I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
