it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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