Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
