So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
