is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
