You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
