so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
