literally had 100 drinks last night.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
