Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
