just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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