I only kidnapped one of them. chill
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
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