the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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