You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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