I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
