It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
