im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Randomize
