the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
