it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
