he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
