Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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