I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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