I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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