1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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