She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
