My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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