i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
