There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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