Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize