Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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