3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
