How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
