I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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