Don't make out with my wife yet
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Randomize
