just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
you didnt know i had herpes?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
