I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
