Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Randomize
