Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
