I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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