We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
