sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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