Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
