whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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