Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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