new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
