Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize