hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
She bit a glass in half.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
