Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
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