WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
