Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
