some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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