There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
