i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
