Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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