I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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