Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize