I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
