Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
