We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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