forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Your penis caused this!
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
