I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
