Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Randomize
