I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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