i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
