He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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