shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
