I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize