So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
its liver damage thursday
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
