i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize