Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
