Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
