He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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