you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
