dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
