u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
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