I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
