i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
