and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
