After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
