That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
