I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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