You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
