Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
