Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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