I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
