I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
