he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Randomize
