I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Just fell off a train. Bad.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
